In an earlier post, I’ve discussed the prevalence of scary clown costumes for Halloween. Makes sense in retrospect. I’m old enough to remember a time when these ashen-faced, ghoulish creatures leering at children from TV screens were presented as amusing and whimsical, but we knew better. It took some visionaries in the “scare industry,” as I’m discovering it’s called, to acknowledge — Hey, people think these things are creepy. Let’s make use of that.
So I’m offering you a chance to get ahead of the curve this Halloween. Following is a list of things that are really creepy, but to my knowledge haven’t yet been turned into Halloween costumes. Go as one of these for Halloween and I guarantee you’ll generate more shivers than the guy with the hockey mask and the chainsaw. Feel free to add your own suggestions!
- Child beauty pageant organizer.
- Guy who tries to pick up women with the opening line: “You must work out.”
- Vacant-eyed individual handing out religious pamphlets who appears to be following you.
- Guy who refers to himself in the third person by a self-applied nickname such as “The Brewskimeister.” (Technically speaking, this guy is more “annoying” than “creepy,” but he’s still arguably worse to be around than a maniac with a chainsaw.)
- Twitchy person who corners you at a party to explain conspiracy theory regarding the Federal Reserve.
- Drunk man trying to get entire bar to sing along to jukebox rendition of “Friends in Low Places.”
Tom Joyce's chamber of the bizarre 
How about going as a member of the Westboro Baptist Church? They’re totally creepy.
Very true. They certainly are creepy. And by any objective standard, I should consider them scary. But somehow, I don’t. They’re just too sad and pathetic. Like a bunch of emotionally disturbed children, constantly acting up because of a pathological need for attention.
OK, I just thought of another scary costume. An ex-girlfriend who ends up sitting at your table during the wedding reception … OF ANOTHER EX-GIRLFRIEND! Granted, it would be hard to convey that concept in costume form. But if you could … man! You’d have grown men collapsing in fright just at the sight of you!
How about …
an morbidly obese Wal-mart mom that gets in front of you, walks real slow and yells at her kids “Don’t make me get the hose!”
How about the lady in church with the big hat who, regardless of how many open seats there are will inevitable sit in front of YOU costume???
Yes, this is all the basis of some high-octane nightmare fuel.