Tom Joyce's chamber of the bizarre

NEWS RELEASE: SOCIETY ANNOUNCES NATIONAL PASSIVE AGGRESSION WEEK! YOU DON’T CARE.

The U.S. Passive Aggression Society has announced that March 11 through March 17 will mark National Passive Aggression Awareness Week.

“We ask all Americans to be particularly passive aggressive this week, and do what they can to promote passive aggression in their communities,” said USPAS executive director Michael Laughner. “Unless they’re too busy with something that’s obviously much more important, even though we’ve put so much work into this.”

Laughner said the theme for this year is “Mad? No, I’m not mad. Is there some reason I should I be mad?”

Regional chapters of the Passive Aggression Society will stage a number of local events throughout the country, culminating with a rally in Washington, D.C., on Saturday – despite the board of directors being told repeatedly that it will conflict with St. Patrick’s Day but apparently they know something the rest of us don’t so whatever.

Laughner said he expects this year’s rally to attract as many as 10,000 people, which would double last year’s attendance. Although 10,000 were expected last year, only about half that number showed up, with the rest claiming afterward that maybe if somebody had checked to make sure the scheduled time and date worked for them it would have been easier to get there.

“This year, we tried to get around that logistical hurdle by implementing a longer general comment period for our membership,” Laughner said. “Because obviously three entire months was far too short an interval for somebody to just write down a suggested date and time for the rally on a prepaid postcard and drop it in the mail.”

Special musical guests will be “Deep Blue Something,” the artists responsible for the 1995 hit “Breakfast at Tiffany’s” that people were still listening to as recently as 1997.

“We’re very excited to have ‘Deep Blue Something’  on board,” said entertainment committee director Carlos Rodriquez. “We might have been able to line up somebody else if my budget had come in at anywhere near what I requested, but it is what it is.”

For more information, see uspassiveaggressionsociety.org, assuming the Website is actually functioning for once.