Posts Tagged ‘Friday the 13th’

Ever watch one of the Friday the 13th movies and think that a bunch of teenagers who can’t get away from a slow-moving guy in a hockey mask probably don’t belong in the gene pool?

I started a discussion about this topic on Facebook today, and came to the conclusion that it’s a failing on the part of the screenplay writers.

Did you write a script featuring a killer who requires the victims to essentially HELP him bump them off? WRITE A NEW FREAKIN KILLER BECAUSE IT’S NOT SCARY ANYMORE! IT’S ANNOYING!

Here’s the discussion that I imagine takes place in those writing sessions:

“OK. The victim is running from the killer. And, uh … hmmmm. That’s problematic, since she’s running and he moves at the speed of a recent double knee replacement patient with a codeine buzz and a wedgie. How about this? She runs into a farmhouse where there’s no exit. They used to build farmhouses without backdoors, right? They didn’t? Well, maybe our audience won’t know that. Then … I guess she could still run away from him in there, couldn’t she? How about if she stumbles and hurts her leg? She’d still be able to limp away from him? Hmmm. How about this? She somehow accidentally handcuffs herself to the railing …”

Happy Friday the 13th everyone! Ever wonder how Camp Crystal Lake kept getting an operating permit? “Well, we’ve implemented a new safety course for our counselors called ‘Machetes: Useful but Dangerous,’ and established a sign-out procedure for all chainsaws and other sharpened power tools. With these measures, we’re confident of attaining this year’s goal of a 65 percent counselor survival rate. Hey … did all of you board members get the fruit baskets I sent you for Christmas?”
I think the question is why the owners would WANT to reopen Camp Crystal Lake. Ethical considerations aside, the insurance rates on that place must have been through the roof.