Well, my costume came in second place in the “Most Halloweenie” category at the office Halloween party. (And yes, it was spelled “Halloweenie” on the ballot. I choose not to read into that.) I didn’t mind coming in second because the first-place winners went as a bunch of zombies and looked REALLY freakin cool. It was a good time. Although I was disappointed that once again, nobody wanted to participate in my proposed entry for the “group costume” category: The Human Centipede.
Archive for October, 2011
Do you find Carl Hiaasen a bit too staid for your liking? Tim Dorsey a trifle too dry and academic? Then check out “Don’t be Cruel” by Mike Argento. Argento takes the “gun-toting-freaks-in-South-Florida” sub-genre of crime fiction, and improbably manages to transplant it to Central Pennsylvania. The book starts with a couple of hitmen working for a local gangster who runs a church based on the worship of Elvis as a side business. Then things get REALLY unhinged. Check it out here.
Apparently some people couldn’t quite make out what was going on with the costume from seeing it head-on. So here it is from a slightly different angle.
My very talented cousin, Ray Ladouceur, is sharing his knowledge of woodworking through a series of videos called “Dogwood Tales.” So how does that fit in with a blog called “Chamber of the Bizarre?” Just watch.
By the way, if you’re in the Cincinnati area and you need any woodworking done, check out his Facebook page here.
I’m putting the finishing touches on my Halloween costume.
I tend to go nuts on my Halloween costumes. That may seem kind of dopey for a 45-year-old man. Don’t know if this is an excuse, exactly, but it’s not from some whimsical desire to playact or anything. It’s more the same instinct that leads men to walk around at parties, whipping out their smartphones to show people pictures of the deck they just completed that weekend.
Guys, being guys, like showing off what they can do. And that desire becomes doubly strong when you’re talking about building something
But let’s face it. You really don’t want to be cornered by one of those guys walking around with the pictures of his backyard deck on his smartphone. Because those explanations can go on for a long … freakin … time.
“See, I had trouble placing the steps because of a clump of rocks there. The way I got around it was I took some of the lumber left over from … Hey! Where are you going? Sudden attack of diarrhea? Funny, you’re the fifth person I’ve spoken to today that’s happened to. Must be something in the crab dip.”
My Halloween costumes tend to involve elaborate construction and engineering. And when I wear them out on the town, it’s the one time a year I get to indulge the testosterone-fueled lobe in the lower brain that prompts those legions of backyard-deck-builders to whip out their smartphones at parties. The one that does little but recite a perpetual internal monologue of “ME MAN! ME BUILD THINGS! LOOK AT WHAT ME BUILD!”
The problem? I went apeshit with it last year. Yeah, the costume looked impressive. But I didn’t figure on the inherent logistical problems of going out on the town wearing it. Stuff like getting in and out of doors. Or making my way to the men’s room through a crowded bar. (Not to mention USING the men’s room.) This year’s costume involves some construction and engineering, but not on this scale. I should be ready to unveil it soon. In the meantime, here’s last year’s. LOOK AT WHAT ME BUILD! ME MAN! URRRGH!
Gotta spotlight this. My friend’s daughter is an artist, and she’s very talented. Check out her site here.
Here’s some footage that I got the night I went out to the Haunted Mill Scream Park in Spring Grove, Pa. I didn’t include it in my Haunted Mill video, but still wanted to share it with you. A couple from Gettysburg was operating two businesses — Massacred Memories, and Lot 27 FX. Both featured REALLY cool masks. Check it out.
Enjoy. Like I wrote in the Youtube description for this video that nobody ever reads, I hope that Edgar Allan Poe would appreciate this clumsy, infantile, but totally sincere tribute to the great writer. Why? Because to a large extent, Poe has been kind of hijacked by the “woe is me” crowd. We tend to forget that the guy could be a real smartass too. Check out “Never Bet The Devil Your Head” or “The Man That Was Used Up.” Funny shit. Anyway, here’s the poem:
This is an addendum to my previous post about truly scary Halloween costumes. My friend Travis Pelt suggested “ex-wife with a toddler.” I, in turn, suggested making it “Ex short-lived-fling with a toddler. The one who wore black lipstick and sent you a poem after you broke up with her titled ‘A Vengeful Spirit, I’ that you brought to the police station just to make them aware of it, even though they seemed more amused than concerned.”
Tom Joyce's chamber of the bizarre 